Shrimp Posturing

I’m not saying I know everything. Far from it. And in fact, even if I know how to do something and my way is working just fine, I’m all for learning a new way to go about it, a twist, a tip, a trick, or just a variation. (Heck, just see the previous post!) But there are some people in this world who are *so* all about “I know best” and “My way is the right way.” Ugh!

Someone who, when walking in the kitchen to see that I’m cooking chicken breasts, says “You’re only coating them with flour? You’re supposed to do the triple–flour, egg then breadcrumb coatings…”–Or– “Why did you buy such large spinach? Don’t you know the baby spinach is so much better?”–Or– “You’re using Italian Sausage in that dish? Oh no. My mother said you should always use a smoked sausage, such as kielbasa, in that. You’re doing it wrong.”

I’m ‘doing it wrong’?! Are you kidding me?!!!!! Is that any way to talk to the person who is making you dinner? I think not!

“Get out of my kitchen!” I want to scream. Only my Mama’s good upbringing would not allow me to be rude to a guest in my home, so I hold back. Sigh.

All cooking is endless variation—that’s what keeps things interesting! I’d love to hear about how your mother or grandmother or you make it–I’ll probably want to try it that way myself sometime. But to come into my kitchen and ‘correct’ me? Simply Rude!

Another trait these particular Know-It-Alls have that make me nuts: the need to impress on every level. And one of the most common ways to go about it: making a big damn deal out of how much they know about wine. Guess what?! When all you do is swirl agressively, inhale deeply, and quote whatever was said on erobertparker.com–you’re not impressing anyone. *Trust me.*

Now obviously, I’ve run into this more than once in my life (and I’m sure you know people like this, too.) And yes, I know that this overwhelming need to impress, the need to be “right” and the unwillingness to allow room for other people to do it differently all comes from a place of insecurity. Yeah, well, understanding the cause is fine and all—but it doesn’t make it any more fun to deal with.

So insecurity is one thing that all these people seem to have in common. And another? They all tend to be small. Physically small, that is. Some people like to say they suffer from a “Napoleon Complex”. But I think that gives it far too much stature. So I call it “Shrimp Posturing”.

That takes a bad behavior and brings it down to the level it deserves. A very small one.